How I Accidentally Booked a Sex Hotel in Prague

I booked a highly rated hotel in Prague. After sharing the link with a few people, I got some interesting comments. 

"Uh, they keep using the word 'alternative'. And they have 'the largest bed in Central Europe.' I think you booked a sex hotel.'"

No. Nonsense. I didn't book a sex hotel. 

Well. 

I booked a sex hotel. 

I knew we would be tired l, so I hired a car service to pick us up from the airport. After walking around baggage claim for a few minutes thinking my reservation was in vain, we finally spotted a tall aging surfer holding a crinkled piece of paper with my name on it. 

"Oh, you're here!" He said. "Welcome to Prague."

Besides the fact his car was very clean, there was no indication that this guy was a professional driver. Between suggestions of which club we should go to and where we should drink beer (spoiler: everywhere) he only was narrowly avoided smashing head on into trams, pedestrians, and small Czech dogs. He's been in Prague for at least a decade teaching English as a California expat, and he couldn't get over Polar's Russian accent. 

We should have been slightly alerted that something was up. He kept telling us how to get back to our hotel -- without telling anyone what the name of our hotel. 

"Well, of course everyone knows your hotel. But you can say you want to go to Ponska. Or get off at the stop before. Oh! Or tell them you are staying at the hotel across the street."

We were jet lagged and not processing things well. We nodded and smiled and talked about beer gardens. Whatever. 

On check in, we were greeted with smiles.

"So. We have been able to upgrade your room. It's a bit... Fancy. You are in the Love Room. You should be able to take some very nice pictures."

Still naive, we giggled and took our key cards. 

We get to the 5th floor and everything is dark, illuminated only by a pale green light. Our room is at the end of the hallway, clearly marked in chalk.

As soon as we open the door, reality starts to sink in. 

The round bed. 

The mirror on the ceiling. 

The billowy mosquito netting.

The erotica on the book shelves.

The fur handcuffs.

I booked a sex hotel.

-lolo

Manchester, UK - a series of fortunate finds

Most travel experiences are valuable but few just magically deliver whatever you want as soon as you mention it. I don't know what kind of magic potion lolo and I have taken but somehow we seem to be shaping reality around us.

We arrived in Manchester, UK at the ass crack of dawn on Saturday. After leaving the bags at the airport storage, we took a quick and pleasant train ride to Piccadilly.

The city was just starting to wake up. There were no peopless out except for some occasional cabs. We don't have anything specific we want to see so we wonder around making snap decisions at each intersection which way looks more appealing. And thus we end up in Manchester's gay village.

It's beautiful down there - canals, street art, and a certain awesomeness in the air that is usually present in areas where people have a good time a lot. "lolo, we are prime time to find some afters. It's 6 am on a Saturday" and I swear 3 minutes after I said that we felt the soft "thump-thump" of bass. As I stand there with my ear to the wall of a building trying to decipher if I am on top of a club, some passerby calls "they are open on the other side".

 We turn the corner and find the the "afters". We briefly considered going in but ultimately decided to go exploring instead.

We get breakfast and drinks at Federal Cafe and it's ridiculous. I am usually the first person to snicker at "English food" but this place was amazing. 

We wonder the streets some more and see a group of cosplayers. We try to follow them but lose them. "Maybe they are coming home from a party" I say. "Yeah, or maybe it's comic con" replies lolo and as soon as she says this we stumble upon another group of cosplayers. Can you guess what happened next?

Yeah, we totally stumbled upon Manchester Comic Con. We didn't have time to stand in line to walk in but spent about an hour hanging outside making friends with cosplayers. I kept saying "Now I want to see ..." and name a random character and seconds later one would appear. 

We had to me back at the airport by noon but before we left we managed to stop by John Rylands Library and Manchester Art Gallery.

The library has a little guardian dragon named Grumbold and he is adorable. You can find him peeking in from the top floors.

And having afternoon tea

We stopped by Manchester Art Gallery on our way back to the airport and caught a glimpse of the Fashion & Freedom exhibit.



It was time to go back to the airport and head to Czech Republic. Manchester was amazing but little did we know that the biggest surprise of all was waiting for us in Prague.

Manchester at a glance

Manchester Airport #blog

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Leg One - Getting to Manchester

By the time we got to the TSA agent at security whose job it is to check passports, Polar and I were a bit out of breath. He looked at us and paused.  

"You two okay?" he asked, going back to scribbling on our tickets and leafing through our passports. 

Moments before, Polar Vortex (later PV) had been standing at the check in counter, waiting for me. I was in a car, in traffic, texting PV. Assuring her I was almost out of the airport tunnel. Any minute. So close. Be right there. Our flight to Manchester wasn't for an hour yet. Surely there was no need to panic.

"I'm not worried," she messaged. 

"Me neither."

Aurelio dropped me at Arrivals and told me about a shortcut where you can just go up a level and be right at the ticketing counters. When I got inside, I saw elevators and not stairs. I patiently waited with a nice gentleman who had the same goal I had. We talked about the heat. We laughed politely. We got off at the wrong floor. My phone buzzed.

"Closing the gate in 2 minutes."

The stranger calmly pushed the elevator button again, unconcerned. I looked around desperately for stairs, I yelled goodbye to the stranger, and flew up one more level. I saw PV standing at a distant counter and ran for her.

"I'm sorry but the flight is closed," the ticketing agent said, repeatedly shoving my passport into a slot. "Once it's closed it's closed."

"What do you mean it's closed?"

"You're in trouble," she said quietly. 

After a few more moments of passport shoving and impotent key pressing, a gentleman walked up, typed something, and said, "I opened the flight back up again. Try again, it should work now."

Checked in, bags dropped, we ran through terminal E and arrived at the security checkpoint. 

"You two okay?"

Why the TSA guy was worried we weren't okay, we weren't sure. Don't people run at airports all the time? Vaguely panicked running at an airport seems a common activity. 

Laughing, sweating, we explained that we were told the gate was closing and we nearly missed our flight. The agent checked his watch.

"No, you're fine. What are they talking about? You have an hour. I mean, unless they decided your plane is going to leave early, but when does that happen?" He was smirking now. "Oh hey you're plane is leaving early today," he continued laughing, "just because." 

He waved us thorough. And I swear to god he blew PV a kiss on our way past.

European Baecation - So It Begins

In just a few hours we embark on our first transatlantic trip together. It's been a dream for us pretty much since always. I am pretty happy with myself. I managed to not get completely shit faced last night when I went out. 

This past year I sort of had to live out of my suitcase a lot which has made my packing skills pretty impeccable. 

So we went from this

To this in like no time.

Well known packing techniques I use are:

1) start with the things you can't go without and that would be the most pain to acquire/retrieve while abroad such as a passport. Then move to other things in the order of importance - money, phone, etc.

2) gather all the small miscellaneous stuff first and then move to bigger things. 

3) pack clothes last.

4) pick outfits that can be mixed and matched.

5) roll your clothes. I swear to gawd it works. I don't know why, I don't know how but I do know that you can pack twice as much if you roll your clothes as opposed to fold them.

6) don't stress about forgetting anything other than the items from part 1 of the list. If you need something and don't have it, it will be an awesome opportunity to shop for it.

7) if you have a long flight with a connection, pack your tooth brush in carry-on. Nothing will make you feel better than being able to brush your teeth after 6-7-8 hours on the plane.

8) wear shoes and belts that come off easily cause they will make you take them off at TSA. It is so frustrating being stuck behind someone who decided to fly in their gladiators that take 40 minutes to unlock.

9) no matter how warm blooded you are, you will get cold on the plane. I normally prefer to live in the 60F-70F temperatures but I have to bring a hoodie with me every time I fly. It's a paradox that I got used to.

10) bring ear plugs cause it's one of the two items that will allow you to survive a crying baby. The second item is

Yeah baby nips can go on the plane!!!

And thus I am off...

- Polar Vortex

Let the Baecation begin. #blog

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Feeliacs Origins

So first a bit of history and an explanation. lolo and I met through work. I was helping my boss go through some of the resumes by doing initial phone interviews and screening for "dumbass and/or crazy". She was neither. She also did roller derby "on the side" so I knew I had to meet her cause how often does one meet people who do roller derby casually as one of their hobbies. I mean it's either THE hobby or it's not on the radar at all. It's not just something people do on the side in addition to shark diving and culinary arts but lolo did. So we met.

Not a lot of time has passed before some things became apparent. We shared an affinity for drama-free life. In a world where almost everyone scratches and picks at their tiniest most insignificant feelings turning that little emo pimple into an emo crater, lolo and I stood emo-acne free.

via GIPHY

Thus a bond was born that went beyond the workplace. Now that our careers took separate directions, we decided to start this blog as a way for us to collaborate on something together. As the time progresses who knows what direction this will take. For now though, I imagine this blog will be half humor half adventures and a sprinkle of whoknowswhat on the top.

DISCLAIMER

lolo and I call each other "bae" and we really don't give a damn if you don't like it or decide to judge us for it.

- Polar Vortex

the baes have a blog

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