How I Accidentally Booked a Sex Hotel in Prague

I booked a highly rated hotel in Prague. After sharing the link with a few people, I got some interesting comments. 

"Uh, they keep using the word 'alternative'. And they have 'the largest bed in Central Europe.' I think you booked a sex hotel.'"

No. Nonsense. I didn't book a sex hotel. 

Well. 

I booked a sex hotel. 

I knew we would be tired l, so I hired a car service to pick us up from the airport. After walking around baggage claim for a few minutes thinking my reservation was in vain, we finally spotted a tall aging surfer holding a crinkled piece of paper with my name on it. 

"Oh, you're here!" He said. "Welcome to Prague."

Besides the fact his car was very clean, there was no indication that this guy was a professional driver. Between suggestions of which club we should go to and where we should drink beer (spoiler: everywhere) he only was narrowly avoided smashing head on into trams, pedestrians, and small Czech dogs. He's been in Prague for at least a decade teaching English as a California expat, and he couldn't get over Polar's Russian accent. 

We should have been slightly alerted that something was up. He kept telling us how to get back to our hotel -- without telling anyone what the name of our hotel. 

"Well, of course everyone knows your hotel. But you can say you want to go to Ponska. Or get off at the stop before. Oh! Or tell them you are staying at the hotel across the street."

We were jet lagged and not processing things well. We nodded and smiled and talked about beer gardens. Whatever. 

On check in, we were greeted with smiles.

"So. We have been able to upgrade your room. It's a bit... Fancy. You are in the Love Room. You should be able to take some very nice pictures."

Still naive, we giggled and took our key cards. 

We get to the 5th floor and everything is dark, illuminated only by a pale green light. Our room is at the end of the hallway, clearly marked in chalk.

As soon as we open the door, reality starts to sink in. 

The round bed. 

The mirror on the ceiling. 

The billowy mosquito netting.

The erotica on the book shelves.

The fur handcuffs.

I booked a sex hotel.

-lolo